They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they call him Oral-B. enough said
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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