Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
