my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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