My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
