i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
