I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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