I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
