If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
