I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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