this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
