I accidentally burped into my bong.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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