id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
