From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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