I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
