p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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