It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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