Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
