u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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