i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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