You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
