i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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