i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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