we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
