I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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