I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
