yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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