Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
