i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
