I wish I only lived at night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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