There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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