He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
