So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
