it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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