Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize