I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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