I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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