that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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