You smell like stripper and shame
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
