I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
