First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize