You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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