I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
