and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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