i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
