I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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