you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
