I've blown a few things in my day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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