new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
