If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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