So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
