i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You can't motorboat a personality
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How naked do you want me to be?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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