Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
