she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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