well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
