Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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