i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
