I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
