I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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