I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
