last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
