Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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