Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
