i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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