He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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