Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
