And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
