I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
