I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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